


A Lot Can Happen Over the Course of A life time (and Mine Is finally Beginning)

by Cat_Ra_She_Ra_Hearth_of_etheria



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Breathe and Click ' Cause F E E L I N G S, ChooChoo, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Is that just me?, Muhahaha I regret Nothing!, My SnekBoi Is sad, Oh dear god I apoligize, PLez Enjoy, Sorry Not Sorry, The ending is bitter sweet, This is Basicly Janus Has many feelings: The Fic, This is essentaly my first attempt at Janus Angst, Who else Lives for Janus Angst?, all aboard the angst train!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:40:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28922991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Ra_She_Ra_Hearth_of_etheria/pseuds/Cat_Ra_She_Ra_Hearth_of_etheria
Summary: Janus Angst! (Need I say more?)
Kudos: 37





	A Lot Can Happen Over the Course of A life time (and Mine Is finally Beginning)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Ya' ll This is my first attempt at a fic for this Fandom So please enjoy! Any feedback and Criticism is super appreciated! I'm a young writer so any and all tips are appreciated.  
> Enjoy! Be Safe! And Have Fun!

Injustice was like a plague, no, not a plague, not something that could be cured or avoided- Injustice was like a rope. A noose that tightens around your throat as the bucket is kicked out from under you and your life seeps through velvet hands. Its tendrils curled around one's legs so they couldn't live. It was inescapable and everyone would inevitably face it at some point. 

Janus faced it at age seven when the unconscious barrier was formed and the “ lights'' and “ darks'' split. When he had no control as he was thrust into darkness and shunned by others. He cried that night, a function he didn’t know he had until that night. He didn't sleep, He just shivered as ugly sobs were ripped from his throat. 

There was no kitchen, no beds, no food and no exit, just space as far as the eye could see. And Janus was completely Isolated. Alone for three months. He never ate, never drank but the metaphysical beings couldn't die so he lived- no, he survived. And then Remus came and with dark imagination Janus Ate. They created the, neverhome as the two called it because Home Is where The Heart is and there was no love, no life in the dark. 

Virgl came last he came as the barrier started to break. As Tomases understanding of the world shifted and shattered. As He began to understand that the world wasn't as light and dark as he first perceived it. And slowly cracks appeared. Virgil was created in the dark- appearing on the couch and Janus finally felt as though some part he didn't know was missing finally came a part of the dark family which finally came to be. 

Remus, Virgl and Janus the three outcasts. The three rebels, the three rejects, the three exiles, The three brothers The three partners. The three darks, the three friends, the three family, the three pieces.

And then they were two.

And then Virgl left. 

And then Janus Shattered.

He cried in the night when Virgl whispered “ We were never a family” And slipped from the darkness. A practice Janus reserved only for the worst. He hasn't cried since those first three months. He had Cut, He had hurt but he had not cried. And now.... And now he howled. Now his sobs collapsed in on his throat wracked with pain he didn't even know was possible.

That was when he learned.

When Faced with injustice, there are two types of people.

There were those who sat. Who cried and mourned who grieved over something they could never have, who let sorrow and misery fill them up and weigh them down.

And there were those who stood. Who clenched her fists, who settled their emotions and let Hate and Fury simer inside them. Who vowed to make this wrong a right. Who Forced themselves to run when walking was so far away. 

That was the night in which Janus, once Self Preservation became Decciet.

That was the night when Janus Swore Up and Down That the Lord of The Lies Would  _ never _ Be Put down again. Would never, ever let someone leave him, would never be cast out. Would Be heard-  _ no matter the cost _ . 

The Anger Simmers in him. It brewed a bubbly Potion of lies and Rage that slowly consumed him. He Would Be Avenged. He would, He would He would hewouldhewouldhewould  _ Never _ be broken agin.

  
  
  
  


The Court

The Callback

The Wedding

The Fury

The Gravel

And the decision that sent him spiraling again. The decision that left him reeling that made him furious because,  _ how could they? They had No idea! It was all for nothing! It's not Fair! Why! Why! WhyWhyWhy!  _

Breathe, 

Breathe,

Breathe. 

A mask summoned from the deepest area of his mind to cover his pain. So many masks that his skin was lost under them. A hand smoothed out his cloak. A twist of a hat wouldn't quite hide the twitch of an eye the  _ ooossshhh _ of air that he exhaled in fury. 

And when he sunk out he fell.

And He cried

He Cried  _ again _

Why was he so weak?

He promised himself!

No more sorrow

No more Pain

No more.... No more...

No More.

  
  
  


And Again.

His plan was to offer advice,to act as logan so that they would listen. But- but of course, of course all of his plans would fall into shambles.

And Patton, Dear sweet,  _ Naive _ Patton. So Innocent so pure, so greatly  _ wrong _

Rejection was something he was used to. Something he was well familiar with. Familiarity at a young age. 

“ I Don’ t think we are.” 

5 words from the Thomas of all people and Janus' world fell. The pillar the small skinny toothpick of a pillar had held his roof up for so long. Had let him breathe for so long. Collapsed. It was kicked out from under him as his Bottom line,  _ rejection _ something he was so used to rejecting.

_ Acceptance _ was the wrong ord. They didn't accept him

_ Tolerance _ Tolerance was more accurate and more understanding. A stepping stone in between them. And Janus Jumped. 

“ My Name- My Name is Janus” 

He Slipped. 

Romans Laugh undid something he didn't know was in him. His one fragment of pride- His name. The only thing he held with his head high. Something so close, so  _ personal _ was ripped from his arms. 

He lashed out. 

And He could tell that there was some line he crossed. 

But it was practice at this point, not an excuse but an explanation. A bad habit that he had learned over and over and over again until it was ingrained deep into his soul.

And Yet, And Yet....

Hearing Patton say his name

Not Deccit but Janus. In some odd way It was a rope. Not the rope of Injustice not the tight noose that strangled him but a rope bridge a ladder to climb his way up to light. And he took it. He grabbed it like a lifeline. 

Pesservation

Pushed

Pulling

Pulled

Pivot

Pride

Praise....

More.

  
  
When he sunk out again after a witty comment to Thomas he sunk to the floor of his room and cried.

Not tears of rage or hate but ones of... relief?

Heartfilled tears that poured from his eyes he gulped heavy breaths that nearly choked him. For some reason these tears didn't burn with regret or hate. They weren't bullets of furry that leaked. They were....

They were new. 

They were a welcomed change that left him exhausted. He was empty. Food a long forgotten necessity. Chapped lips the only reminder to drink. A pounding migraine made him remember the length between sleep. Weeks. 

Deep bags under his eyes a permanent scar that rivaled Virgl' s eyeshadow. Clothes that hung off his wiry frame. And a permanent mixture of Relief and sadness. His anger was budgeted and now spent. Now he was empty,and being eaten up on the inside by some annoying feeling of Loneliness.

He had got what h wanted. 

A spot at the table, A megaphone for his vice, equal footing with the lights so why, _why_ did he feel so _Alone?_

And the biggest question of all ,the biggest one that forced itself into his brain with a crack-

_What Now?_

The answer was far more complex than what he wanted yet phrased so simple.

_Live_

Now he lived. Now he didn't just survive. Now he had that excuse then he had done more. then he had worked himself to the bone. And now, Now he had forever. Now he could just...

_Be_

Breathe without it being a chore, Eat without a purpose, read without studying.

And he would figure it out.

One Day At A time


End file.
